Finding joy

I feel that I need to post something that is happier than my previous post! Yes, I am still sad, but you have to move on and find the positives in your life. Well, my positives are by far my family. The newest spirit to bless our family makes me smile and laugh so much. He brings me so much joy, so I thought I would share that joy with you! As my sister says, "We thought he would be the mellow one, but it looks like he is Montierth after all!" I guess she means that my kids are loud??? Okay, they can be!

Also, this week, Carter started to make his first moves to crawling. He hasn't taken off yet, but he gets where he want too, slowly but surely! He will be off and crawling in no time!

Today was also my nephew DJ's birthday, so we recorded the first video for him. I thought he would enjoy birthday wishes from this happy little guy that we have. Happy numba 9, DJ! We love you and miss you!

Feeling Sad

Well, this isn't really a big deal, I am just feeling sad tonight. I started thinking a day or so that Carter is showing signs of weaning and sure enough, a whole day of not wanting too.

This is so hard for me. I am grateful to be able to nurse my babies, and I know it is a blessing. I just have a hard time when they choose to be done, I guess it is part of my controlling personality!
I was able to nurse Brady until 13 months and I weaned him, Leilani weaned at 6 months and it broke my heart. I was hoping that Carter would continue, until his birthday, just under 3 months away. This isn't very far away, right???

In my world, it seems like forever. I just feel hurt by it, even though I know it is unintentional.

He got sick a little while ago and couldn't breathe to nurse, so I am guessing that this is what triggered it, so how do I get him back? I tried pumping to keep the flow going but he won't even latch on for longer then 5 seconds to even get the let-down. When he even gets in the nursing postition, he thrashes about and will not have anything to do with it. He sounds like I am torturing him! Any suggestions from my nursing friends out there?
I feel that it is done. I don't think that I can get him back, but hey I made it 9 months! That is good, right??

Sorry, I really try not to vent too much, because most of you probably don't care anyway, I just feel like writing and sharing how I feel. I feel that he is still too young and I will miss this bond greatly! It is one of my favorite things with babies, it is a conneciton that is wonderful and I just hate to think that he is done. Oh well, such is life and I will get through it. Life actually gets easier when you don't have to nurse all the time, but I am not quite ready for it! Off to cry a little more!

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